So I (Machelle) am updating the blog this week. We’ve been very busy this week, Mary had some friends from out of town visiting and then her Grandma Jean (Great Aunt) passed away. She’s out of town right now for visitation and funeral….and since its technically literally the last day of 13 weeks I figured I better update it real quick. The good news- tomorrow we are officially 14 weeks!
I was at my desk today making plans for some meetings, flipping through my calendar. And it occurred to me that September isn’t really all that far away. It was unusually warm in Wilmington for March- about 84 degrees – which made it feel like “Spring” for the first time. And then I started thinking about how Mary’s birthday was in May- like holy crap that’s only 2 month’s away. And then I started thinking about how my birthday (the big 3-0) always sneaks up right after that in August. And then holy cow- its literally “Labor” day. (A few people at work think I will actually have the baby on Labor day.)
So much to do! I’m starting to “feel” pregnant…and people ask how I’m doing- repetitively. They say that I’m starting to “look pregnant”- not really sure what that means. I’ve learned why people hate other’s opinions and/or unwanted advice while pregnant. I’ve learned how to react to really intrusive questions that I really don’t feel like straight people get asked.
“So how did that happen? Did you sleep with a guy? Do you know the dad? Wait, how do you “pick” a donor?” Is any of that really any of your business? They’re genuinely curious, not trying to be malicious, so I give in to their curiosity, and hope that the next gay couple they know who starts a family will have it a little easier. Interestingly- my grandfather didn’t ask- probably because he didn’t care- he was just thrilled he lived to see the day. And other gay people don’t ask- probably because they know and/or don’t care. For the record, it happened like a lot of couples with infertility make babies- at a doctor’s office. I would never sleep with someone else, that’s just really inappropriate for you to ask- we married each other…if your husband couldn’t get you pregnant would you just sleep with another man to make a baby? The man is a donor- Not a dad. It isn’t anything new, its been around for 20 years, and if a straight couple needs infertility assistance and uses donor sperm, the husband is the parent- not the donor. The donor made a DNA donation- sort of like when you give blood. He won’t be raising the child, but when he made is donation he stated that he is “Willing to be known” when the child reaches 18. If our kid wants to find out more about their ancestry or medical history- we wanted them to be able to do that. But the donor is a donor, not a parent, and we’ve never met him. He filled out a history, we liked his physical characteristics and his baby picture, so we picked him. It was honestly very easy. Lots of straight couples have male infertility issues, and conceive the same way we did with donor sperm.
Here’s a rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t ask a straight couple, its probably rude to ask a gay one. If you just can’t contain yourself, word it a little more PC like, “What was the journey for starting a family like for you?” If the person wants to discuss details, they will.
And I’ve also learned that baby magazines are ridiculous. I read an article last night that said I shouldn’t put receipts in my wallet- it could potentially expose me to BPA which might cause developmental delays in the fetus. WTF?!?!
I can almost predict how someone is going to react when I tell them we aren’t finding out the gender based on their age. If they are my age, they are in shock. “What?!?! Why not? How will I know what to buy you? How can you wait that long? How will you know what to name your child? How will you decorate the nursery?” As if ultrasounds have always been around and couples always knew what they were having. Look, we’ll put out the registry soon. We’ve picked what we wanted. Chances are if its grey, yellow, green, teal, or orange it will probably work. So just live life on the edge a little. Rubber duckie onsies are fun. So are shirts with puppies on them. Its not that hard. Mary wanted the red stroller. I think a little girl or boy would look real cute in a red stroller. I want that moment when Mary says, “Its a…!” in the delivery room. I want to be pushing with all of my might so we can find out. We’ve got some names, we’ll figure it out when we see them. Couples didn’t know what they were having for a really long time. Older women, 50+ think us waiting to find out is awesome- some even said, “We wish our daughter would wait! There are so few surprises left in life these days.” (Probably because they all had to wait.)
Questions for Machelle- Week 13
1. Are you feeling nauseous? No, I vote to remove this question- I think that’s gone for good 🙂 2nd trimester I think is going to be a lot better.
2. Are you more tired than normal? I think exhaustion is my new “normal”. People at work say I always look tired, but I don’t feel any more tired than I have been lately. I hear it goes away when the kid goes to college. Maybe.
3. Any weird dreams? Yes. Had my weirdest dream yet. It began with me waking up in bed (which is why I think my dreams are always real). I woke up, laying in bed, and was in labor. I was terrified, because I knew I was only 13 weeks. I started pushing- and Mary was sleeping next to me, she wouldn’t wake up! I looked down between my legs, and there were two kittens. I picked them up, Mary woke up and I said I had twin kittens. I was very upset. I said, “Am I supposed to breastfeed these? I wanted a baby!” Mary replies, “You should be thankful for what God has given you…” “But I didn’t want kittens, I wanted a baby. We’ve had three ultrasounds- it looked like a baby. I just wanted one baby, not two kittens…” Again, she said I should be thankful. “Well you have to call your mother and tell her she’s not having a grandbaby! She’s going to be so upset- she really wanted a grandchild! My Paw Paw wants to be a great grandfather to a baby, not kittens!!! I have no idea how to breastfeed kittens, I only read about baby breastfeeding. We didn’t buy a four bedroom house to fill it up with more animals. I don’t understand how this could have happened. I guess kittens don’t need a full 40 weeks gestation period and that’s why I went into labor so early. They also don’t need any of the stuff we registered for OR a nursery.”
Obviously, I was a little stressed out. At the end of the dream I just remember feeling devastated, and very sad. Probably because I’m not a huge fan of cats. If I gave birth to puppies would I have been so upset?
4. Can you feel the baby move? No, but I hear Doodle kick the doppler- still apparently very squirmy. We don’t use the doppler everyday- just occasionally. Its much easier to find the heartbeat now- and sometimes you’ll hear a “thump”, and the heartbeat stops (Because baby moved and you have to find the heart beat again.)
5. What are you most excited about? Starting on the nursery. I really love our theme. Grey and yellow (possibly a bit of teal accents) elephant theme. Elephants are a matriarchal society…and our baby will grow up in a matriarchal environment, so it just made sense.
6. What are you most nervous about? Choosing a name. Everyone wants to know what we are going to name the baby. So we have a list of “possibilities”. I feel like we should see the baby first before deciding on a name. What if Beckett sounds like a good idea, and then you look at the baby and they’re obviously a Hudson.
7. What is one thing you would like to accomplish this week in order to get ready for Doodle? Well I took care of it today since it was the last day of 13 weeks. Mary and I have spent the last two weeks looking at daycares. The process is a little overwhelming. We walked into some and knew right away we didn’t like it. Others, we really liked, and some were just “so so”. I think all parents only want the best. We’ve narrowed it down to 3 we like, and one “back up” and got on waiting lists. Apparently, as soon as you know you are pregnant you need to call and get on a list for daycare. Some places told me I waited too long and turned me away already because their waitlist was already over a year long. A girl I work with told me she applied to 6 daycares and only got into 2. So, we were already really nervous that we only found 3 we really liked. However, today, I called to check on our favorite one (And, by no coincidence the most expensive one) and they confirmed that they had a guaranteed spot open January 1st, and would likely have a spot open in December (which would be about the time I went back to work.) So at least we know we have at least one place that we can send our baby. Anywho, I dropped off the paperwork and paid the deposit today. So we are still on the waiting list for a couple of others- but we know we have a guaranteed spot there relatively close to when I need to go back. Considering it a success. Not sure how we’ll pay for it yet, since its almost as expensive as our mortgage…but we always find a way to make things work. I just keep telling myself that lots of couples have children….if they can do it, we can do it.
8. What is one thing that has happened that you didn’t expect? Starting to feel a little more sensitive emotionally. Quite hormonal. Everyone asks me how I am- I’m fine. You should pray for Mary.
9. Are you seeing any changes in your body (that you feel comfortable discussing–of course)? Starting to get harder to find my waist. Bloating has decreased a little. I feel like my skin on my face is either always really oily or really dry. It can’t pick what it wants to be.
10. What is one thing that Mary can do for you to make your life a little less stressful? Mary does everything- she really is wonderful. I don’t know what women without wives do when they are pregnant. If I have a craving for raspberries she goes to get them. She cleans the house and makes dinner when I am too tired or have to catch up on homework. She deals with my emotional roller coaster and the fact that I suddenly get very very hot in the middle of the night. She never complains that I wake her up for the 3rd time in the middle of the night getting up to pee.
11. What have you craved this week or what weird food combo has taken place this week? Still just craving fruit. Anything I can get my hands on. Blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, kiwi, pineapple, melons, mandarin oranges, grapes, apples, strawberries. I love it all. And Thai food.
Okay wow, its pretty obvious I’m home alone. I think that’s enough for now. Here’s a picture that was actually taken last week (When I just turned 13 weeks)